


I can take the pain if I will it all away

by chloebeale



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Drinking, F/F, Olicity (mentioned), Unrequited Love, i love pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 19:10:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16708372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloebeale/pseuds/chloebeale
Summary: He doesn’t deserve her, she thinks as she slips out of Slabside’s visitor area. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. It doesn’t matter, though, does it? The voice in her head taunts her: But what makes you think you do, Laurel? She doesn’t. Like really, really doesn’t.ORLaurel realizes she has feelings for Felicity.(inspired by 7x05, and contains spoilers for the episode)





	I can take the pain if I will it all away

**Author's Note:**

> I have been loving the Dinah/Laurel/Felicity thing this season and there was a moment in 7x05 that made me think Laurel might have caught feelings. So this happened.

He doesn’t deserve her, she thinks as she slips out of Slabside’s visitor area. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. It doesn’t matter, though, does it? The voice in her head taunts her: _But what makes you think you do, Laurel?_ She doesn’t. Like really, _really_ doesn’t. She’s not perfect. She’s trying.

It’s been six grueling months since she’d passed herself off to the world as the Real Laurel Lance, and everyone is determined to remind her that she’s a cheap imitation. She’s not **her,** she’ll never _be_ her—she’s herself. Not nearly as bad as people want her to be.

What separates her from a person like Oliver Queen? They have done many of the same things—including cold-blooded murder. It doesn’t matter how Oliver tries to twist it, how badly he wants to believe they’re different. They are cut from the same dark cloth. To the world, they’re criminals.

Quentin saved her. He’s the first one who saw the good in her, who reminded her what it felt like to have someone to care about her. Not that it got him very far. Losing him was the catalyst for the change she’s so desperate to make.

No one’s all good or all bad. She knows that now. She lives comfortably in the grey area, and as unfamiliar as it was at first, she knows now that she’s capable of being the hero.

She _wants_ to help Felicity. Sweet, kind Felicity, who’s trying so hard to be what she’s not. She can’t let her go to that dark place. She’ll be damned if she lets her dim her light.

She doesn’t understand how it happened. Laurel is so good at pushing people away. But somehow, Felicity has wormed her way into her heart, and it isn’t until she realizes that she can get Oliver out that she’s feeling…things.

She should be happy. This was the end goal, after all. They’ve won.

But all she feels is alone.

Six months ago, she’d have taken that gun from Felicity’s hand and killed Diaz herself. Now, she’s holding her back. It’s not like she doesn’t want him dead. She really, really does. But if Felicity kills him, she’ll cross a line she can never uncross, and if Laurel does, she’ll prove she’s exactly what they want her to be.

If he lives, Oliver can go free. His freedom for Diaz’s. Felicity’s beloved husband will return to her, the same man who believes she’s worthless, who warned her to stay away from his wife. Well, she’s never been that great at following orders.

“Felicity,” she whispers as she catches a flash of blonde hair. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?” The sparkle has returned to Felicity’s eyes, but the darkness is still there, too. “Did you hear back from the FBI?”

“Everything is on track, like we talked about. But that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”

_“Okay…you’re officially scaring me. Why are you looking at me like that?”_

“As weird as it feels to say this, your friendship has meant a lot to me. But…I think it’s best to take a step back. No more…friend dates.” Her stomach hurts just saying the words.

_“Oh. Did I do something?”_

“No. You’re perfect.”

_“Then why…”_

It’s stupidity that leads her to it, stupidity and impulsivity that brings her mouth inches from Felicity’s and leads to a kiss that is so soft and unexpected, it causes the other woman to gasp.

“It’s going to hurt too much being around you. Seeing you with him.”

_“Laurel, I had no idea you…”_

“It’s okay,” she winces as the pain sears through her body, far worse than any physical injury she’s ever sustained. “I’m used to it.”

_“Hey.”_

Felicity’s voice causes her to look up and meet those eyes she’s spent the past few weeks getting lost in. She can feel the warmth in her hands as they find her own.

_“Don’t be. Don’t be used to it."_

It hurts. It hurts so much.

_"I know what Oliver's said to you. What everyone’s been saying to you. But you **are** a good person, Laurel. If you hadn’t stopped me, I would have killed Diaz. You have a heart."_

She lets out a soft laugh, raising one hand to press to her chest where Laurel’s heart is beating wildly.

_“and it’s beautiful. Don’t let this change that. I’m sorry that I’m hurting you. I didn’t realize you felt this way, and I wish I would have seen it sooner. I love Oliver, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”_

Her hand is still there, fingers gently clutching at Laurel’s button up shirt.

_“It doesn’t mean I don’t feel this too. If things were different…”_

“But they’re not.”

_“I know, but—”_

“You’re sweet, Felicity. But this, hearing all of this, it just hurts more. It’s why I need a break from…this.”

She peels Felicity’s hand off of her and takes a step back.

“I’m glad you’re getting your husband back.”

Managing a small smile, Laurel gives the other woman a farewell nod before spinning on her heel. She has to get out of here, she thinks with desperation as the tears threaten to spill over. She’s so lost in her thoughts that she pays no attention to her surroundings, running directly into Captain Drake.

“Whoa. Laurel, are you okay?”

Damn it.

_No._

_No, she’s not._

“I’m fine, just get the hell out of my way,” she growls, lashing out in hopes that Dinah will just let her go. She can’t have this conversation right now.

Dinah’s expression doesn’t harden the way she expects. Instead, it softens.

_“Come on, Lance. Let’s get a drink. On me.”_

Alcohol is exactly what she needs right now. She knows their Laurel had a drinking problem. Quentin, too. Is she predisposed to that? Does she care?

“Sure.”

She expects Dinah to take her to a bar, not to a liquor store. She purchases the most beautiful bottle of scotch she’s ever seen, and when they get into the cruiser, Laurel lets out a shaky breath. It’s always disconcerting being in a police car. At least this time she’s riding in front.

She’s not saying anything, and Dinah isn’t pushing her to as she drives to her apartment. Laurel can’t believe Dinah trusts her enough to let her in. Her hand grips the brown bag to steady her. A reminder that it’ll only take a few glasses before her feelings become nothingness.

She is nearly finished with the first when Dinah finally breaks the silence.

_“You know, it’s not healthy to bottle up your feelings.”_

The choice of words causes Laurel to laugh mirthfully.

_“I’m serious. Drinking helps, but until you get it out, it’s going to fester.”_

Damn her for being right. Dinah lifts her glass and her eyebrows.

_“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not going to judge.”_

“How the hell did we get here?”

_“Uh, I drove you here, remember?”_

“That’s not what I mean. Us. Friends. Having a drink.”

_“You proved yourself to me. And I forgave you. Laurel, please. It’s so obvious that you’re hurting. I haven’t seen you this torn up since…”_

“It’s stupid. I’m embarrassed. I have feelings for someone.”

“That’s not stupid. It’s human.” Dinah reminds her, pouring them both a fresh glass. _"What happened?”_

“What was always going to happen if I fell for a married woman.”

“Oh. _Oh_.” She looks shocked. “You mean—”

“Felicity. Yeah. Like I said. It’s stupid, and I don’t understand how it happened. One minute she was twisting my arm to help her and the next, I wanted to. I’m not an idiot. I knew she wasn’t going to choose me over him. But it’s not just Felicity. It’s Diaz. It’s…me doing the same thing over and over. Falling for someone who’s emotionally unavailable. For someone who's only going to hurt me.”

_“You feel like you deserve it.”_

“Don’t I?”

_“No. You deserve to be loved, like anybody else. I—I loved Vince, more than anything. After he died…”_

“After I killed him, you mean.”

_“After he died, I never thought I’d feel like that again.”_

“And now?”

Dinah shakes her head, thoughtfully pushing a strand of hair behind Laurel’s ear. “Now, I’m not so sure.”


End file.
